Steamed Hams but Nix is in Charge of Lunch Today

Writings are subject to be moved to their own section. Originally posted to Ao3

Afternoon, after work

Siren: Well it seems like I've made it, despite all the delays on my way back.

Nix: Ah, Siren. Just in time. And yes, I actually remembered it was my turn to make lunch today.

Siren: ...eh...

The two of them head inside and Siren takes a seat at the table. Nix goes into the Kitchen and sees there's smoke coming out of the oven.

Nix: Shit. Of course the one time I actually get off my ass to make lunch I burnt the damn thing!

He looks out of the window and sees the sign for a nearby fast food joint.

Nix: But what if... I went out right now, got some fast food, and passed it as my own cooking? Heh, if it keeps me from being tied up, sure, why not?

Nix opens the back door to get out but pauses as Eiri walks into the kitchen

Eiri: huh?! Nix? What the hell are you doing?

Nix: Eiri!! I-I was just... Stretching my calves on the doorframe! Places foot on the doorframe and pretends to stretch Isometric Exercise! Wanna join?

Eiri: glancing over to the oven ...why is there smoke coming out of the oven?

Nix: Smoke?! No no! That's... Steam! Yeah! Steam from the steamed clams we're having! Steamed clams...

Eiri: shooting him a suspicious glare Yeah sure, whatever.

As soon as Eiri leaves the kitchen, Nix bolts out of the door.

Minutes later...

Siren: sigh Wonder what's taking him so long? I bet he forgot again.

Eiri: Probably. He said he's making steamed clams. Couldn't have fooled me. Whatever he was making smelt burnt.

Siren: Eh, let's at least humor him.

Nix enters the room with a tray of fancily plated hamburgers and fries

Nix: Alright, hope everyone's ready for some hamburgers.

Eiri: Wait a minute, I thought you said you're making steamed clams

Nix: Oh? No! I said Steamed 'Hams!' It's a regional term.

Siren: Regional term, huh. From where?

Nix: ... Cali?

Siren: Cali... Yunno in my time in LA I've never heard anyone call burgers 'Steamed Hams'

Nix: It's a NorCal expression.

Siren: Sure...

The three of them start eating, but Siren pauses after the first bite

Siren: You know, these are an awful lot like the ones from Pop'n burger.

Nix: heh heh... Nope! Patented Nix Burgers! Old... family recipe...

Siren: For 'Steamed hams'

Nix: Yes

Eiri: taking the bun off his burger to show the patty These are grilled...

Nix: Ah- well- ...uh... Actually- doing a double take between the two excuse me for a second-

Nix stands up and runs back into the kitchen for a moment, and then returns to the table. There's a light & smoke coming out of the doorframe

Nix: Yawn Well, that was some lunch. Better start getting ready for work, don't want to forget about that either.

Siren: I thought you were working the nigh- Stops, looks & points at the glowing from the kitchen What the fuck is going on in there?!

Nix: ...Aurora Borealis?

Siren: Aurora Borealis. At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely in my kitchen?

Nix: Yes!

Siren: ...Yeah no I can't keep this up.

Siren stands up and bolts towards the kitchen with Eiri and Nix following suite to put out the fire.

Later that day. An unexpected guest for that day shows up at Siren's door

Himmel: Oh Mr 'Ren!

Siren: Himmel? What brings you here today?

Himmel: Ah, I'm bored, just wanted to say hello that's all-

She glances over to the corner of the room, where Nix is laying on the floor, tied up and seething at his roommates.

Himmel: What did he do this time?

Eiri: Oh him? He set the kitchen on fire earlier. All because he couldn't admit he burnt something.

Nix: Hey! At least I tried to make lunch this time!

Siren: Yes, and he tried to cover it up by "making", what did he call it? 'Steamed Hams.'

Nix: It's better than leaving you guys hungry right?!

Siren: Claimed it was an 'Old family recipe'. Wonder why you never brought it up then.

Nix: Ok! I started a fire, didn't fess up, bullshitted a lousy excuse! Won't happen again! Promise! Sis! Come on back me up here!

Himmel: shaking her head Oh brother...