Crying by myself at pride to a cover of Pink Pony Club

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2025, there was a pride event near a place I liked to visit that year. I went by myself via train, but asked my dad to pick me up later since I didn't feel safe riding alone decked out in pride merch. It sounds strange to say when I'm technically in one of the 'bluer' states, but when conservatism is on the rise and you're traveling through right-wing pockets you can't be too careful.

I stopped by the pride festival first and did a walk through. But instead of a sense of pride, I was filled with a heavy heart. Pride at its roots has always been a political protest, and I knew this year would be a more serious one than the last.

You see, in 2024 I went to Boston Pride with a friend. We watched the whole parade and ate at a Mongolian grill not that far from there afterwards. In 2025 I didn't feel safe going to Boston, particularly because I would've had to go by myself due to everyone being busy. A smaller event felt better.

I think at a certain point, I started to get teary-eyed. There was some live music, and one of the performers was making a speech. I don't remember the exact details, but it was about the current year. How pride, especially post 2024-election was not just a time for parties as anti-queer sentiment and legislation rises. They then announced the last song they were to sing for their performance was a cover of Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan.

I think halfway through the chorus, I had to remove myself from the area and find somewhere to sit down. A bench in a further-out part of the park.

And I cried.

I cried so hard.

The full weight of my bottled-up fears and concerns crashing down on me as I sat all alone, at the edge of the park, listening to a cover of Pink Pony Club.

2024 was a difficult year. Particularly with the looming dread of the election combined with seeing the very career path I put 4 years of college into be ravaged by generative AI. Trump won the election. I left Twitter and abandoned the biggest spot for my fandoms with it, as I didn't want to subject myself to the alt-right politics anymore. January 2025 I abandoned Instagram for similar reasons. The servers I was in at the time were slowing down, and my irls got busy. I won't go into my immediate home life, but it's difficult to exist in a world that hates you for being you when you don't have many shoulders to cry on.

I think that's what broke me. The realization that I'm witnessing the destruction of the world around me, my rights, not even my hobbies are spared.

And I'm going to be alone.

It's a feeling that hasn't subsided, if anything has gotten worse with the rapid rise of fascism, censorship, and anti-queer legislation globally. Knowing that even if I could afford to leave, where would I even go? Phrases like "This too shall pass" and "It will get better" feel emptier with each passing day as tragedy & political violence only seems to accelerate, unpunished, despite mass protest.

It took me a long time before I could listen to Pink Pony Club again. It still makes me tear up.

I managed to calm down eventually. I wanted to at least buy some new pride flags before I left. I remember at the booth that was selling them, the seller asked how pride was going. I said it was very emotional, they asked if I was ok and I brushed it off until they asked again. I think that was the first time in a while, someone in real life asked if I was doing ok in a genuine manner.

The rest of the day I chatted with other people at booths while grabbing and buying a few more pride-related things. Then with a nonbinary flag on my back, I left and headed to the local arcade to play my favorite game for the next 3 hours until dad could drive me home.